Do I look funny to you?

If you thought my last post was made in a bad mood, you have seen nothing yet. Last time I was slightly disgruntled; today, I'm angry. I mean angry angry. Or is it angry angry? You figure it out.

People, get this through your heads: I am not a comedian. If you're looking for comedy search google for Rowan Atkinson. Or John Cleese. Or Benny Hill. Or Pedro Tochas (Scotts and Aussies might know him, aside from the Portugese). Or rent a comedy flick. Or catch one at your local theater. If you've ever come here in search for a laugh, my, the joke's on you.

If ever you've found mirth in my words, good for you. If ever you've laughed at a pun you've found here, great, you managed to find the lighter side of my life. If ever you've laughed sadistically at my misfortune, I'm glad at least some good came out of it. If ever you've read (or heard, for that matter) a joke from me, it's time to cut down on those brownies. Or those muffins. Or whatever it is you're getting your hallucinogenics from. I don't tell jokes. I like jokes, I find (some of) them funny, but I don't tell them. If you care to know why, look up Rowan Atkinson's qoutes from IMDb. If you can't be bothered, I'll even lay it out for you. According to Mr. Atkinson, he himself is not a funny person, and one can't be expected to be made to laugh by him. He's a dull individual who happens to be a performer. And a great one, IMO. That said, I am neither funny nor a performer of any sort, thus a joke told by me is wasted on whoever should listen to it, for I couldn't make it sound funny if it was Monty Python's fabled "joke who makes whoever listens to it laught to death". If, from here on out, you think I might be telling a joke, here's a simple test to dismiss your doubts on that matter. If ever a story told here by me starts with "An englishman, a welshman, a scott, an aussie, a priest and a rabi all walk into a pub...", you're about to read a joke. Otherwise, no, I'm not telling a joke. I'm not even attempting to be funny. If you just happen to think otherwise and are amused by my words, that's fine, really. If you're not amused by my words and feel like complaining about my puns or my funnies, don't! I make no such things as puns, jokes or funnies and you'd be a fool to expect otherwise.

That said, I'll keep on blogging as usual from here on out. In fact, this whole raving is pretty much about my life outside this blog (yes, I have one of those). Bear with me.

ArabianShark has been counting quite the number of pet peeves. Perhaps he should drop a few. Do you think the yellow pages list "mercenary marksmen"?

You wouldn't steal a car...

... or would you?

No? Not even an Aston Martin?? Good. Stealing is wrong. Unless you're stealing away from bad company. But I digress...

Sure, you wouldn't steal a car and you wouldn't steal a purse and you wouldn't steal a TV set, so you shouldn't steal a movie because unauthorised downloads are illegal and piracy is a crime punishible with up to 3 years of imprisionment in some countries... yada yada yada (not Yadda, who, if you don't know, is a Jedi master of the same species as Yoda). For those of you who don't recognise this gibberish, it's the ethics appeal you can often see at the beginning of a movie screening. And voilá, we have a topic for today's rant.

Dearest folks who push this copyright stuff;
We're aware of your message. We've been aware of it since the earliest days of good ol' departed Napster. Computer users, even the least savvy ones, are aware that if there is a way of acquiring goods or services for free whereas other ways would have one pay for the very same goods or services then the former must have some measure of illicity to it. Furthermore movie-goers pay for their tickets before they even see this very annoying advertisement of yours, often not knowing if the movie they are about to see is even worth the ticket price, only able to judge (or misjudge) from trailers, which can be deceiving. How many times has one sat through a screening of a movie they wouldn't have given the time of day just because the ticket was already paid for? However, stolen movies don't have your ethics appeal (I'm guessing. Not that I've ever stolen a movie, but why would one bother to steal such an annoying , not to mention utterly useless, little thing such as your silly ad?). So, bottom line is, you punish honest people (or less than straight-arrows in their moments of honesty) with your propaganda whereas the rotten get away with it. As if having to sit through blatantly capitalistic commercial publicity even before the trailers wasn't bad enough.
My advice to you: Sod off already! Ignorance isn't an excuse for any sort of crime, so don't even bother to argue that your piece of refuse you push on movie-goers serves the purpose of deterring copyright pirates with a warning-veiled threat. They, of all people, are aware of the risks they may be taking breaking your laws. Furthermore, even those laws are, ultimately, pointless, as there are quite a few ways around them. Hint: Sweeden has no copyright laws, China's government, who polices and censors Chinese web servers, offers great leniency to all forms of piracy, concerning itself with dissident anti-government propaganda and works of art which violate their laws, such as that no drawing may represent corpses or skeletons. So, really, pack your poorly shot would-be ad and find some lint underneath your beds. It must be way more interested in it than we are.

And for the humorous part, can you believe I've been shush!-ed by a talker for commenting on a trailer during the ethics appeal? Those crazy kids...

ArabianShark just loves the movies... like you hadn't guessed yet.

Blame it on the weather

Haven't I always?

Blogo ergo sum (or something along those lines), and so, for the past two weeks, I haven't been. One could argue it's the weather's fault, and really, one wouldn't be all thar wrong. It's not just the sun (I got me some fly shades), it's the heat and lately, it's been even worse. Somewhat overcast weather has been making for this awful stuffy weather. Fortunately today presented us with some late evening "rist", wich isn't a real word yet. I hereby proclaim "rist", meaning a mixture of rain and mist, a word. There, now it's a word. For those of you not familiar with rist, it happens when the air is so damp you can't actually go outside and not get wet, because the tiny raindrop-like droplets of water are actually suspended in mid-air very close to the ground (and not so close to the ground and everywhere in between). A very nice surprise after a stuffy day. Think cool moist towel. Ah, bliss.

Yes, one could blame it on the weather... but one would be, ultimately, wrong. The one to blame is not one alone, t's a whole team. Bethesda Softworks, it is. For the crime of unleashing upon humanity the evil known only as "The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" and by the powers in me invested by... "it" (do remind me to fill in this gap more appropriately sometime), I hereby condemn you to be merry for the rest of your hopefully very long and rewarding lives. Now that is one good RPG. And it's not even D&D based. In fact, it's ruleset is quite original. The graphic beauty is mesmerizing to say the least and please don't anyone come bitchin' about clipping bugs, of course there are clipping bugs, it's a game, for Ctuchlu's sake. Just be glad there aren't any clipping bugs IRL. Now that that's settled and we all agree the graphics are, for want of a better word, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, where this here piece of work really shines is in the NPC's very advanced and independent AI. Yes, NPCs each have independent AIs which are not ruled by some would-be The Force-like entity, NPCs intercat with each other as they would with the player in each and every way, and I do mean every last way, from greeting each other as they pass by in the street to having heated discussions prone to end with the punctuation of clanging steel and the underlining of spilt blood. So, in short, get this game.

Hey, I almost forgot to give you my farewells. Almost...

ArabianShark is not, however, oblivious to the fact that some more movie-related ravings are due. Patience...

Poll II: the Results

Thank you all who voted in last time's poll. Unfortunately, not even all of you were sufficient to make a good statistical sample. Thus, I'm forced to resort to other means to discover the answer to my question.

The question at hand is not one befitting the answer "42", but simply "Which one is the cooler car." I feel this is to petty a matter to figure in the universal source of all knowledge (Wikipedia), and certainly not worth disturbing the Powers (Usenet Oracle). But, in the end, coolness (is that a word?) is merely a popularity contest. That can be solved easily.

Here is the winner. So, at the date this is being written, Vanquish got... Vanquished.

Tune in tomorrow for some more movie-related raving. Farewell.

ArabianShark is at a loss for a witty last remark. One could argue it has always been so, but one would be kind not to... or get some vital organ bitten off.