As if I needed a title...

Today, I'd like to open a new chapter in (my) blog history with a segment entitled "Douchebags Get All The Breaks".

Today's douchebag, and the very first douchebag to get a spot on this outrageously magnificent (at least you're reading it) blog is none other than my maid.

Why is she a douchebag? There's a number of reasons. She does a half arsed job at just about everything (i.e., ironing, cleaning...), she has no concept of tidying up, she jumbles stuff around as much as she can in the most ridiculous and presposterous manner (really, why should I find my mother's tank tops in my socks drawer?), manages to break things she doesn't even clean propperly and, according to my grandmother, who also employs her, she is no stranger to raiding the cookie jar or the chocolate drawer. Last, but not least, and just as a mere example of her mischeif, while making my bed she managed to put the quilt - a lovely beige faux fur quilt my mother gave me for Christmas - inside out. I mean, it's not even a stupidity thing - being stupid won't make you do such a thing - you have to be plain old mean. And don't tell me she got confused, it's a fur quilt - one side has lovely faux fur, the other is plain light maroon suede. It's a no-brainer. Sure, take advantage of the situation - the bed won't be checked until I come home for the weekend, she'll have some four days to laugh at imagining our faces when we find out.

Why would I say she gets all the breaks? Think about it: She has no education, no manners, no know how even of her self-chosen profession, and yet she has a job, and a well paid job, it seems, for she does manage to sustain herself, her husband and two children. But, most important of all, she manages to do such a poor job and not get fired. That, my friends, is one hell of a break.
Even the secret message has a bold tag.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.

ArabianShark considers becoming a douchebag for a few breaks. But, then again, perhaps rightly earned breaks from hard work are more satisfying. And besides, being a douchebag seems like a lot of work... now watch me say it with a straight face.