Dieting

How many books have you ever seen on the shelves on the topic? How many tomes of wisdom promised fast weight loss, until the media drew the public's attention to the hazzards of such practices? How many books have you since seen promising long lasting results?

Well, I'm not about to unveil the great grand secret to swift, safe and permanent weight loss, but let's talk diets for a while...

Up until the Great Tragedy of 2006 (well, so what if I want to embellish the puny disgraces of my life? I like a little flair...) - that's my hernia, if you remember - I was quite lean, for myself and my long histoy of moderate obesity. Last summer I had undertaken a self constructed course of strict boiled white meat and regular exercise - which was, at some point, somewhat disheveled by a severe cold - to great effect. Then, unable to make the long-ish hike my dieting meant to prevent me from gaining it all back, I gained it all back. After my surgery, it was even worse. Then, this summer, I had planned to return to my strict diet and exercise plan, but, alas, my back wasn't healed enough. I couldn't exercise. And, without the seretonin from the exercise, I couldn't keep my spirits high enough to stick to my diet (hell, I couldn't even sleep right) and fell back into temptation. I managed minimal weight loss. Then summer vacationing ended and I tried another regime, one with a different, less strict diet of balanced meals of grilled meat or fish, vegetables and carbs, along with a 3 mile hike every other night. I managed to gain weight with that. Then, about two weeks ago, I went back to college to study up (to no avail). During that time, I found myself lazily ordering pizza up to three night per week, snacking on pastry and resorting to stress foods ever so often. I eevn found my new poison: creamed camambert cheese on crackers. Now that I came back home (let's see for how long...), I expected a major weight gain. So today, just after breakfast, I stepped on the scale. I hadn't put on a single pound! For my metric readers, that's about 450 grams. For my L.A. readers, I mean fat; grams aren't always heroin or cocaine. For my Australian readers, g'day, mate(s). So explain that to me?

At any rate, I worry. My back has been giving me no end of trouble, and I think I've spotted some troublesome aches on my right sciatic nerve branch. Don't you dare say a prayer for me, but do cross your fingers. Please?

Pax vobiscum atque vale.

ArabianShark will return to dieting soon enough. And this time, with a vengeance.

9 comments:

obnibolongo said...

Start smoking. Nicotine along other substances acts on brain's pleasure centres reducing hunger.

:P

obnibolongo said...

Ei!! Na sondagem falta o "Não sabe / não responde" !!!!

obnibolongo said...

I'm sorry I forgot to write in English:

«Oi! In the sondajation misses the "No knows / No answers" !!!!»

ArabianShark said...

I think I want lung cancer, lip cancer, palate cancer, bad breath, shortness of breath, persistent wretched odour on my clothes and myself, another addiction and another money drain even less than I want to be fat, but thanks for the tip!

Sintra said...

Smoking makes you phat.
Oh it's da troof!

obnibolongo said...

I, of course, was joking :)

Hal said...

Try the Manly Diet: eat nothing but peanuts and beer! xD

Sintra said...

No, nothing but...
DOOOOOOOOOOOOTAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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