Today we're going to take a trip into the deepest corners of my psique. OK, some deep corners of my psique. Deep-ish. We're going there. Pack light.
So last night I had the strangest dream. Right off the bat, has it ever happend to you to see something or someone in a dream and even though it looks little or nothing like someone or something that actually exists in real life, you just know it's a depiction of that? Hold on to that thought, it'll become significant soon.
So I'm at this house, which looks familiar, terribly familiar, like I know every corner of it, yet I don't recall ever living or even being to any house like the one in the dream. I'm at this large hall with dark orange tile flooring (you think it's relevant?), and I know some friends I'm working with are in a nearby room. Suddently, red tinted watery drops (not blood, not by a long shot) dribble onto the floor. The drops turn to lines, and I can see quite the intricate pattern. It's quite pretty, really, until there's just so much of the stuff it's covering the entire floor. That's about when I realise it's red gelatin, before it solidifies. It just keeps coming and coming until I'm standing in a good inch or two of red goo. That's when I realise another mate of mine lives there, and I knock on his door to tell him what's going on. So he says, "Do you think I have a leaky pipe?". OK, who on Earth has gelatin pipelines running through their walls? Certainly not that friend of mine.
Later, I find myself in a somewhat post-coital moment with... how to put it? Do you know when there's someone you really lust after in an unrealistic way, because there's really no way your lustful fantasies, whatever they may be, would come to fruition? I'm talking about fantasising about some really hot actress or model or maybe your extremely attractive next door neighbour who's happily married - at any rate, the (potential and) unattainable object of your lust. So there's she is, pressing her lovely nude body against mine under the sheets, only she doesn't really look like her, yet I know who she's supposed to be.
And why did my very unused first name sound so right when she said it?
Which brings me to a though I had a while ago. Often that which we desire the most is, ultimately, unattainable. Not only would the fruitless pursuit of such goals result in nothing but frustration but also devotion to such purpose would invariably bring about distraction from all which we might not really desire, for we had never lacked, yet does indeed bring us great joy. But what about dreams and ambition? I say this as someone whose ambition does seem rather daunting, yet I've seen others succed at what I desire the most. It seems doable, even if it might not be easy, but in this light, I wonder if I'm not setting myself up for disgrace here. Where does one draw the line?
Also, today, and I definitely did NOT dream this up, but when I was walking to class, at a road cross, this car comes up slowly and stops at the (yellow) traffic light. Then the light goes red, then my light goes green, I step onto the tarmac and the driver takes aim and drives off - and at me. Is there a hit on my head I should know of?
Tonight I was asked why I write about vampires. I had really never thought much about it, but now that I do, I realise that the myth of the human being turned into a vampire is a magnificent, although easy and unlikely, as esoterism usually presents itself at first glance, means to stave off pretty much everything that I fear: ageing, death, weakness, mediocrity, failure... never you mind that it comes at the (said to be terrible) price of never again be let into sunlight or that of needing a constant supply of human blood; I really don't regard that as much of a punishment.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark would like to draw your attention to the fact that this is the 101st entry of my little blog that could. Thank you all for sticking with me through 101 rants of joy, rage and other silly stuff. You've been a wonderful crowd. Let's make it to 1001 together.