"Spamincidence" is, to the best of my knowledge, not a word, but when you combine "spam" (notice the small s, just so you know I'm not talking about pork products) with "coincidence", "spamincidence" pops to mind. Right?
Now I, just like most people I know on "The Internets", recieve some amount of spam in my e-mail, along with the odd - and quite clumsy, may I add - attempt of phishing. Some of this spam comes from the future, oddly enough. Indeed, I do recieve e-mails from people whom I've never heard of with Arabic sounding names (that's what you get for having an alias such as ArabianShark) with the subject composed of some Egyptian city and a date, usually a week after the date of delivery. Most of the spam i get, however, is of pharmaceutical nature.
Every single day I get some five or so e-mails advertising cheap online stores for Viagra, Scialis and other products I've never heard of, which I can only assume serve similar purposes. It's mildly amusing how the advertisers attempt to get past the spam filter (which is the default filter, I haven't deigned to mess with it) with invariant degrees of failure, spelling Viagra like "\/|agra" and Scilais like "$cia|is" and such. Makes me wonder what happened to good old "1337" spelling, like Vi46r4 or 5ci41i5. I don't think it would have fooled the spam filter, but at least it would have been a smidgeon more amusing.
Just as frequent are e-mails advertising all herbal or not so herbal remedies to lengthen the male genitalia. Since these don't have fancy well known names, the subject line on these is often quite straight forward, and just as uselessly alternatively spelled. Some of these treatments even allegedly combine both effects, increasing penile size and compensating for erectile disfunction. These don't mention recognised names or use words the filters are set to look for (such as "dick". This might mean that if you ever decide to send me an offensive e-mail with "You're a dick!" on the subject line, the spam filter will get it first... unless you don't spell dick like "D|CK"), so they might have propper spelling on catch phrases which they use for subject, such as "Want to be a hero in bed?". Well, aren't they spoiling business for other advertisers? What if someone wants to sell me Superman pajamas? Their efforst will be foiled by overzealous spam filters. That's just not right!
So is this the impression advertisers have of me? Just some bloke with a small limp dick? Look, people, I'm perfectly happy with the hand I've been dealt. It might not be a Royal Flush, but it beats a pair of Jacks (I mean Queens... er... Kings... er... oh, there's just no talking out of that one, is there? Well, it is a Straight, at any rate, rest assured) any day.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark would, however, like to recieve an apology from the aforementioned advertisers followed by an immediate cessation of their futile efforts, but that might just as well be caught by the spam filter.
The things we do to procrastinate...
Addendum
Naturally, that delightful idea of the Kandy Kanes represents a party, which, like any other party, does not stand unopposed. Therefore, it's only fair that Kandy Kanes have a counterpart, preferably a potential equal.
Then again, it's only candy! The only aspect a GDI oriented product would have to match is the aesthetical aspect.
Consider this, then. From my experience, the vast majority of the target market share happens to be of the male persuasion. And lo, the geek aspect probably discarded by making a GDI product may so very easily be offset (again) by the aesthetical side of
* Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kirces ! *
An easy recipe for (yet another) success. From the Kandy Kane template, replace the red stripes with gold stripes (not only because it's more attuned to the Original C&C colour scheme but also because blue stripes would conflict with the Blue Tiberium version), the Scorpion Tail icon by the Swooping Eagle icon and the likeness of Joe Kucan by the likeness of Jennifer Morrison. (Captain Kirce James, in Command & Conquer 3, if you're wondering... which you shouldn't be!)
You know you want it.
Naturally, the Blue Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kirces would be an even greater aesthetical success. Gold and Blue are a perfect match. Deluxe candy with that sort of colour scheme is guaranteed to sell.
Subliminal message #2.
The greatest issue here is finding some small piece of GDI memorabilia to match the very cool NOD rings. So... Perhaps...
I'd still get some.
You know what, I'm fresh out of ideas here. Unless you can figure out a way of squeezing a Mammoth Tank into a small package of Kandy Kirces, I'm going to leave it up to the Marketing types to figure this one out.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark wonders how these delicious candy products would actually fare in the real market. Would Westwood still be with us, I'd give a shot. Subliminal messaging works, right?.
Then again, it's only candy! The only aspect a GDI oriented product would have to match is the aesthetical aspect.
Consider this, then. From my experience, the vast majority of the target market share happens to be of the male persuasion. And lo, the geek aspect probably discarded by making a GDI product may so very easily be offset (again) by the aesthetical side of
* Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kirces ! *
An easy recipe for (yet another) success. From the Kandy Kane template, replace the red stripes with gold stripes (not only because it's more attuned to the Original C&C colour scheme but also because blue stripes would conflict with the Blue Tiberium version), the Scorpion Tail icon by the Swooping Eagle icon and the likeness of Joe Kucan by the likeness of Jennifer Morrison. (Captain Kirce James, in Command & Conquer 3, if you're wondering... which you shouldn't be!)
You know you want it.
Naturally, the Blue Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kirces would be an even greater aesthetical success. Gold and Blue are a perfect match. Deluxe candy with that sort of colour scheme is guaranteed to sell.
Subliminal message #2.
The greatest issue here is finding some small piece of GDI memorabilia to match the very cool NOD rings. So... Perhaps...
I'd still get some.
You know what, I'm fresh out of ideas here. Unless you can figure out a way of squeezing a Mammoth Tank into a small package of Kandy Kirces, I'm going to leave it up to the Marketing types to figure this one out.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark wonders how these delicious candy products would actually fare in the real market. Would Westwood still be with us, I'd give a shot. Subliminal messaging works, right?.
The New Season Candy of choice
Marketing didn't figure this out yet. Here's my pitch.
Sure, it's not a broad spectrum product, you don't expect nice old ladies to dish these out on Halloween, and you don't expect little kids to appreciate them either (nor should you want them to...). It's meant for the geek masses.
Without further ado...
* Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kanes! *
Think about it. Straight sugary rods, green with bright red stripes spiraling down the length of the shaft with Joe Kucan's likeness sculpted at the top and the age-old scorpion tail NOD icon embossed at regular intervals. And since nobody has tasted actual Tiberium (and lived to tell... for long), they can just make up any palatable flavour and say that's what the Green crystal tastes like.
But wait! There's more! For those who want only the very best, Blue Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kanes! Just make them blue instead of green, add some mint flavour and nasal decongestant to the mix and jack up the price about 25%. Deluxe edition candy!
Add some gimmick like one free replica of the NOD ring Joe Kucan did not steal put in every fifth pack of the regular Kandy Kanes or every fourth pack of the Deluxe Kandy Kanes and you've got a sugary hit.
And that's not all. Have a sugar free version of each type handy for the geeks who reject the stereotype of the ever snacking couch potato types and you've just broadened your market share. Bimbos who might want to look smart will resort to these as well. Geeks who actually might want to lose weight will swiftly substitute their snack of choice with these in a heartbeat. Supermodels will want to look FAB, licking these high-tech candy sticks in every fashion mag... OK, perhaps the supermodels won't be so attracted to these... but who needs them, anyway? Geeks are Legion! Legion, I tell you! Legion!
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark wonders how come the folks in engineering figured this out before the marketing types. Or is it that we don't really need cool candy? I'd still buy it.
Sure, it's not a broad spectrum product, you don't expect nice old ladies to dish these out on Halloween, and you don't expect little kids to appreciate them either (nor should you want them to...). It's meant for the geek masses.
Without further ado...
* Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kanes! *
Think about it. Straight sugary rods, green with bright red stripes spiraling down the length of the shaft with Joe Kucan's likeness sculpted at the top and the age-old scorpion tail NOD icon embossed at regular intervals. And since nobody has tasted actual Tiberium (and lived to tell... for long), they can just make up any palatable flavour and say that's what the Green crystal tastes like.
But wait! There's more! For those who want only the very best, Blue Tiberium Flavoured Kandy Kanes! Just make them blue instead of green, add some mint flavour and nasal decongestant to the mix and jack up the price about 25%. Deluxe edition candy!
Add some gimmick like one free replica of the NOD ring Joe Kucan did not steal put in every fifth pack of the regular Kandy Kanes or every fourth pack of the Deluxe Kandy Kanes and you've got a sugary hit.
And that's not all. Have a sugar free version of each type handy for the geeks who reject the stereotype of the ever snacking couch potato types and you've just broadened your market share. Bimbos who might want to look smart will resort to these as well. Geeks who actually might want to lose weight will swiftly substitute their snack of choice with these in a heartbeat. Supermodels will want to look FAB, licking these high-tech candy sticks in every fashion mag... OK, perhaps the supermodels won't be so attracted to these... but who needs them, anyway? Geeks are Legion! Legion, I tell you! Legion!
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark wonders how come the folks in engineering figured this out before the marketing types. Or is it that we don't really need cool candy? I'd still buy it.
Catch up
It feels like a long time since our lsat update. Quite a bit of catching up to do. Where, oh where to begin...
Movies: My most recent theater trips include Sunshine, Spider-Man 3 and Mr. Bean's Holiday. Neither is particularly brilliant. In fact, Sunshine and Spider-Man 3 are downright pretty bad. Spider-Man 3, like its prequels, displays poor portraits of age-old and suitably well known characters, besides Tobey Maguire's voice being all wrong for Spidey and who writes this day and age's Spidey wit? The character of Venom, included for all the right reasons, is, again, poorly portrayed, both script wise and graphical wise. Same applies to Eddie Brock. Mr. Bean's Holiday wasn't all bad, but after the previous Bean movie and ages of the TV Show, the concept (unlike Mr. Atkinson's talent) begins to wear thin. It's still a good movie for hardcore fans of Bean, though. Sunshine... Well, just scratch that off your list.
Marketing: The definition of Marketing has changed. It no longer is "The Art of Telling Consumers Why They Need What They Can't Afford" or "The Art of Explaining Why You Need Everything in Triplicate but in Different Colours". It is now "The Art of Discovering Consumers' Needs Which They Themselves Didn't Know Of". Don't ask why, it just is. I'm serious.
Savings: I wonder if I can save up € 1600.00 by the end of July. € 500.00 down, € 1100.00 to go. I might luck out, if I add my birthday into the math.
Tech Support: This Acer "check on your repair status" isn't so great after all. All it says is whether they have recieved the package (which they'll text when they do), whether they're waiting for it (which I'd assume they are until they text me upon arrival) or whether they've sent it back (whaich, again, they'll text). Hey, how about saying how long you estimate reapirs will take? Is that too much to ask?
Overheard: I'm fairly sure I've mentioned Overheard in New York here before. Well, now there's a couple of new sites to join that particular family, Overheard at the Beach, Overheard Everywhere and Celebrity Wit. Some of these feature overhearings in Canadia. Not a typo, Canadia. This has, indeed, generated some uproar within the readers, who have submited their opinions (which range from irate "Fix that, you fools" to coy "Umm, I think you made a mistake" to amused and confused "Why?") in e-mail form, which have been compiled for entertainment, along with a very adept speller, who quite irately warned them that the correct spelling of the country in question was "Canada" (notice, no 'i'). The same reader proceded to clarify the misspelling of "Australia", versus the correct spelling, "Australa". Now I'm no whiz with a map, but I can't find "Australa" anywhere. I suppose that's where "Vegemte" (however you pronounce that) comes from. Still, do check out the sister sites (and, why not, the original site, it gets updated all the time). They're a larf or two.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark spins the globe away, combing both hemispheres for this promised land of "Australa". Hey, it sounds like a fair vacaton spot. Not a typo, just a lame pun.
Movies: My most recent theater trips include Sunshine, Spider-Man 3 and Mr. Bean's Holiday. Neither is particularly brilliant. In fact, Sunshine and Spider-Man 3 are downright pretty bad. Spider-Man 3, like its prequels, displays poor portraits of age-old and suitably well known characters, besides Tobey Maguire's voice being all wrong for Spidey and who writes this day and age's Spidey wit? The character of Venom, included for all the right reasons, is, again, poorly portrayed, both script wise and graphical wise. Same applies to Eddie Brock. Mr. Bean's Holiday wasn't all bad, but after the previous Bean movie and ages of the TV Show, the concept (unlike Mr. Atkinson's talent) begins to wear thin. It's still a good movie for hardcore fans of Bean, though. Sunshine... Well, just scratch that off your list.
Marketing: The definition of Marketing has changed. It no longer is "The Art of Telling Consumers Why They Need What They Can't Afford" or "The Art of Explaining Why You Need Everything in Triplicate but in Different Colours". It is now "The Art of Discovering Consumers' Needs Which They Themselves Didn't Know Of". Don't ask why, it just is. I'm serious.
Savings: I wonder if I can save up € 1600.00 by the end of July. € 500.00 down, € 1100.00 to go. I might luck out, if I add my birthday into the math.
Tech Support: This Acer "check on your repair status" isn't so great after all. All it says is whether they have recieved the package (which they'll text when they do), whether they're waiting for it (which I'd assume they are until they text me upon arrival) or whether they've sent it back (whaich, again, they'll text). Hey, how about saying how long you estimate reapirs will take? Is that too much to ask?
Overheard: I'm fairly sure I've mentioned Overheard in New York here before. Well, now there's a couple of new sites to join that particular family, Overheard at the Beach, Overheard Everywhere and Celebrity Wit. Some of these feature overhearings in Canadia. Not a typo, Canadia. This has, indeed, generated some uproar within the readers, who have submited their opinions (which range from irate "Fix that, you fools" to coy "Umm, I think you made a mistake" to amused and confused "Why?") in e-mail form, which have been compiled for entertainment, along with a very adept speller, who quite irately warned them that the correct spelling of the country in question was "Canada" (notice, no 'i'). The same reader proceded to clarify the misspelling of "Australia", versus the correct spelling, "Australa". Now I'm no whiz with a map, but I can't find "Australa" anywhere. I suppose that's where "Vegemte" (however you pronounce that) comes from. Still, do check out the sister sites (and, why not, the original site, it gets updated all the time). They're a larf or two.
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark spins the globe away, combing both hemispheres for this promised land of "Australa". Hey, it sounds like a fair vacaton spot. Not a typo, just a lame pun.
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