Rapid fire

It seems only a moment ago I was posting here... Oh, wait, I was.

Since I've posted twice in such a short amount of time, it's only fair to warn you this entry comes in sequence of the previous entry. It's only fair that I warn you and let you read it first. Go on, I'll wait.

No point in telling me you'll read it later, I won't go anywhere until you do.

At this point, I'll assume you've read it thoroughly, or at least that you have a rough idea of what it was about. I'll go on, then.

So I went over the e-mail again and found out Fay Korgasm's address. Mighty useful, should I want to send them a letter or a post card asking who they were and what were they trying to send me. But then I thought of going over my banking records and found out what exactly might I have ordered from Seattle. With that in mind, I dug up what I thought was most likely to be Fay's e-mail address, and asked if they were trying to confirm my home address. When Fay did indeed confirm my suspicion, they produced my correct and full address, and said the package had been sent in the morning. So, first and foremost, thank you very much, Fay, which is not your real name, and which I've concealed only so I wouldn't speak unduly ill of you the previous entry.

Now let's go over this one more time, shall we? The USPS sent me an e-mail on the afternoon of the day in which morning they had shipped the package trying to confirm my address, and supplied an incomplete address, whereas the shipper had indeed sent the package to the correct one? Working rather well, aren't we?

On another note, my poll wielded results, three, to be exact, and a clear winner, by absolute majority, Electrocution. The runner-ups, Impaling and Beheading, aren't really mutually exclusive either. So here's what I propose: Find ye a sharp rod of iron or copper no less than two centimeters wide nor wider than five centimeters wide and about 1.8 meters long. This rod shall thou coat in water based lubricant. Ye shall avoid scilicon based or oil based lubricants, superior though they might be for some usages, for these conduct less well. Poke ye the taylor's bottom with the pointy end of thine rod and lift it high in the air, and the taylor, by gravity, shall slide down the shaft and become impaled as the sharp end emerges, likely from his chest or back. At this point, attach thee one jumper cable to each end of the rod and said cables to the high voltage source of your liking, the common power line being a suitable favourite. After the taylor on the spit is sufficently roasted, lof off his head with thine favoured piece of cuttlery, though I shall warn thee: it may take a while if you elect the fruit knife, whereas the popular cleaver might deliver a swifter execution.

That said, my coat is now in the hands of a seamstress, a very trusty seamstress, but definitely not a Seamstress. See, the capitalisation thing matters here, just like de difference in spam and Spam. I trust her needle is much sharper than her tongue, although her tongue is really of little concern to me, provided her needle is sharp and nimble enough. Also, as the lining job was so botched, the whole fabric has to be replaced. We're going with lead colour real satin this time, no cheap nylon "acetinate" crap. Heavy fabric FTW!!1!!ONE

Pax vobiscum atque vale.

ArabianShark has been blogging most intesnively as of late. I might need a brake. Or not...

2 comments:

Pedro Francisco said...

Fay Korgasm?

You should've pick another name... I couldn't understand if you were making a mockery of a spam sender's name or not until the second post ^^

ArabianShark said...

Would Michael Ostomybagisfull have been a better choice?