Pardon me while I let our Scandinavian musical guests out...
Thank you for the pork luncheon meet
Getting there, just one final tune up, bear with me...
Thank you for the spam
Ah, there we go. Third time's the charm... says them...
So, where to begin? I say we start at the midsection. Why? Because it is quite ample and thus proveides plenty of room for all of us to meet and organise out expedition through whatever little sense I muster for this entree. I mean "entry", sorry, bit of a freudian slip, there, I'll explain in a moment. Right now, you might be wandering where the hell am I trying to get to with this talk of large midsections. Let's not skirt the issue: even those who have only ever met me online should have quite the strong inkling that, as I've mentioned before, I'm fat. Let's not sugar coat it (or I might eat it) with terms such as "plump" or "full figured" or "big boned" or the likes. Now, shortly after I began writing this blog, if memory serves me right, I took it upon myself to embark in a stric regimen of nutritious salads, regular walking and managed to lose quite a bit of weight, before some ugly business sent it hurtling right back to me. Ever since I have tried to get back on that program, but I just couldn't bear the taste of lettuce anymore. Even today it makes me shiver. so I tried different things, such as Paul McKenna's plan of listening to my body's signals of hunger and satisfaction, eating very slowly, imagining that high calories comfort foods are repulsive in some way or another and even listened to his self hypnosis track a few times a week, but it didn't take. I guess either my lifestyle or my will weren't adequate to his plan (or maybe its Mr. McKenna's plan that's crap, but I'm not ready to pass judgement on that), and all the while I kept putting on weight. Now, like a blast from the past, I'm taking up the Atkins diet. For those who don't know it, it's based on the principle that our bodies heed carbon hydrates to absorb fat. Also, fat, much like carbon hydrates, is high on energy, but, if not needed as absorbed, gets stored until needed. Thus, a regimen that's hig in protein but low on carbs might be high on fat, because it won't be absorbed. Furthermore, since the organism isn't getting any carbs, it just has to burn fat for energy. Simple enough, right?
This does bring some disadvantages. Most evidentely, it puts strain in one's liver, but, seeing as I never drink... wine (a cookie for whoever catches this reference), I might be able to cope. And, because I should be able to have all the fatty meat and cheese (by Jove, the cheese!) I crave (well, not really, moderation should be employed, but still...), I shouldn't get those miserable spells when I just want a tasty snack, but can't have it without going off my diet, I should be able to keep it up long enough. However, this diet usually causes cravings for carbs, and they do permeate most of everything around us. And, my, I've never craved pasta with chips and SPAM fritters (the funniest bit being that I've never even tasted SPAM fritters in my life) and double chocolate mousse for dessert. However, this gave me the chance to dig up SPAM in the canned preserves aisle. I found out that I rather like it, but tired of it pretty quickly. I was, nonetheless, surprised to know that the SPAM (although I shouldn't be saying SPAM, as SPAM is a registred trademark of the Hornel Foods Company, and this isn't quite the same) I find here is the same SPAM the Brits get, produced by the Tulip Company, in Denmark, under licence from Hornel, so it's probably not too far removed from the propper thing, if at all.
And, speaking of SPAM, here's a bit of spam I got today:
My name is alisha. Found your ad on that dating site www.hollystad.com
I also love sex on the side. I have a loving partner but he is working 16 hours a day and we have sex only once a week :(
If you are interested and wanna see my pictures just email me at email@example.com
Don`t reply, use the email above (my boyfriend doesn`t know about that email!)
Give her a call, lads, she sounds pretty feisty! Don't you just love it when spammers do something so obviously wrong it can't help to be funny?
Pax vobiscum atque vale.
ArabianShark has re-evaluated his previous claims about craving spam fritters, and, seeing as he had his fill of spam over the past week, he'd be ready to waive the fritters for now. But the pasta with chips would be lovely. Try to make that sound repulsive, Paul McKenna. Oh, wait...